On our Teddy memorial mantle is one of my favorite pictures of him. He is sitting in his stroller, reaching out and smiling the biggest smile. It's the photo on the home page of this blog, actually! I know he was reaching for me and loving me in that photo. We were playing with the leaves in the fall, and he was just gloriously beautiful. In the photo, the hairs at the crown of his head aren't standing straight up, but they have a lovely lift to them.
When Logan was born he was bald. And when Logan turned 1 he was basically still bald. It's just in the past several months that he actually has more hair. We waited so long to cut it originally because he had these beautiful little curls at the nape of his neck and I was in love with them. And it was just about all the hair he had!
When Teddy was born he had a bit more hair than Logan, but was still pretty bald. His hair grew in more rapidly, and around 3 or 4 months, he started having these two little hairs that would stick straight up. And they stayed that way! Every day, those two little hairs were just like little antennae, seeking out the sunlight and ready for anything. Oh, how I loved those two little hairs. As Teddy got bigger, more hairs joined the party. Sometimes they would just stick straight up. Other times they would try to lay on his head, but were never really flat. And when he learned to walk, there they were, flapping in the breeze he created when he moved his little body this way and that.
I love having these little memories of my angel. And I love how strong those little hairs were, to keep sticking straight up, no matter what. I miss them. I miss him. I love you, baby boy. We never got the chance to get your hairs cut, and I am actually glad about that. You always had your beautiful, blonde hairs.
Claire, you are the sweetest little mama. Those chubby cheeks of his and that fluffy hair!! Omg and his smile, The way he looks at you.
I’ve been sober for 6.5 years, and a reservation I have always had is not knowing if I could stay sober if something were to happen to my children. When you’re ready and if you’re willing or interested, I’d love to hear more about how this loss, this deep grief is affecting your sobriety. Has it been a struggle? Or has it been a no brainer, staying sober for Logan, Paul and yourself? How have you stayed sober amongst this pain?
As always, thanks for sharing. Sending you love everyday.